I'm not the type of guy who goes out and paints the town red twice a week. My friends have a hard enough time getting me out on a monthly, or even every-other-month basis. When I do go out...oh boy, do I go out. I tend to turn the bars upside down, makes half the bar laugh, and make the other half want to kill me. I just have a real issue with self control when I'm drinking. I never really want to have "just one." It always turns into "just 5 more."
The first time I woke up and couldn't remember most of the previous night, I knew there was a problem. I turn into this different person who has no common sense or care for other's feelings. Of course, I only know this because of the consequences, stories, and pictures I observe the next day.
If you were to talk to me on the phone during the day and then talk to me after I've had ten shots of whiskey, you would be talking to two people who don't share any of the same traits at all. I find the things I do while drunk to be reprehensible. Drunk me would think that sober me is a boring stiff. Drunk me laughs at funny t-shirts that sober me would find silly. Are you starting to understand the severity? Everyone thinks it's funny but me!
An example of this would be when I drank eight shots of bourbon within the span of only two hours. That was a bit of a mistake. My friends tell me that they know I'm about to get "really fun" when one of my eyes gets crooked and looks slightly to the left.
What happens next is a true account of the worst night of my life. I apparently took the very last shot of tequila and was then politely asked to watch the purse of a female acquaintance while she went to the restroom. Seeing a chance to burn a good friendship to the ground, I immediately staggered into a corner of the bar and urinated into said purse. When the young lady returned, I handed her purse back to her while laughing uncontrollably. The purse itself was pouring urine from it's seems and was obviously beyond salvage. Her boyfriend, who was also a dear and now former friend, became quite upset at my actions. To save him the trouble of forgiving me, I offered to make up for my actions by peeing in his wallet if he was jealous of his girlfriend's purse. This was the exact moment he pushed me into a large gentleman behind me, who then pushed me back into my friend while I laughed hysterically. The bar bouncer came to ask about the commotion, only to find that my penis was still exposed from my previous pee-fits. I'm sure the scratches on my face are from the gravel in the parking lot as I was tossed from the bar.
Of course, all of this just made my friends laugh harder. I don't condone getting this drunk for any reason, and I may stop drinking all together. Perhaps if I drank more often, my tolerance for alcohol would keep me from blacking out so often. I never remember the terrible things that I do, and I really thought my drinking buddies made most of it up. I found out how wrong I was when I found out I had been banned from a bar for 90 days. My friends all pitched in and bought me a funny t-shirt that reads, "Get Me Drunk And Enjoy The Show." The good news is that people buy me free shots when I wear it. The bad news is that people buy me free shots when I wear it.
The first time I woke up and couldn't remember most of the previous night, I knew there was a problem. I turn into this different person who has no common sense or care for other's feelings. Of course, I only know this because of the consequences, stories, and pictures I observe the next day.
If you were to talk to me on the phone during the day and then talk to me after I've had ten shots of whiskey, you would be talking to two people who don't share any of the same traits at all. I find the things I do while drunk to be reprehensible. Drunk me would think that sober me is a boring stiff. Drunk me laughs at funny t-shirts that sober me would find silly. Are you starting to understand the severity? Everyone thinks it's funny but me!
An example of this would be when I drank eight shots of bourbon within the span of only two hours. That was a bit of a mistake. My friends tell me that they know I'm about to get "really fun" when one of my eyes gets crooked and looks slightly to the left.
What happens next is a true account of the worst night of my life. I apparently took the very last shot of tequila and was then politely asked to watch the purse of a female acquaintance while she went to the restroom. Seeing a chance to burn a good friendship to the ground, I immediately staggered into a corner of the bar and urinated into said purse. When the young lady returned, I handed her purse back to her while laughing uncontrollably. The purse itself was pouring urine from it's seems and was obviously beyond salvage. Her boyfriend, who was also a dear and now former friend, became quite upset at my actions. To save him the trouble of forgiving me, I offered to make up for my actions by peeing in his wallet if he was jealous of his girlfriend's purse. This was the exact moment he pushed me into a large gentleman behind me, who then pushed me back into my friend while I laughed hysterically. The bar bouncer came to ask about the commotion, only to find that my penis was still exposed from my previous pee-fits. I'm sure the scratches on my face are from the gravel in the parking lot as I was tossed from the bar.
Of course, all of this just made my friends laugh harder. I don't condone getting this drunk for any reason, and I may stop drinking all together. Perhaps if I drank more often, my tolerance for alcohol would keep me from blacking out so often. I never remember the terrible things that I do, and I really thought my drinking buddies made most of it up. I found out how wrong I was when I found out I had been banned from a bar for 90 days. My friends all pitched in and bought me a funny t-shirt that reads, "Get Me Drunk And Enjoy The Show." The good news is that people buy me free shots when I wear it. The bad news is that people buy me free shots when I wear it.
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