Every Christmas in years past has been very close to a nightmare for me. I'm so strung out by the end of the day that I'm visibly shaking and I have to go into a dark room by myself, breathe, and force myself to be calm. I don't have a particularly mean-spirited or selfish family, either. The problem is all in my head. I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and it can be a real pain when things don't go exactly according to plan. My therapist said I should do small things that I can control completely when things get hectic, so this year I plan on controlling what funny Christmas t-shirts I'm wearing.
I can feel my spine crawling as noon approaches on Christmas Eve. Just like clockwork, that's when the first minivan pulls up full of kids who will whip snot on their own hands before touching every doorknob in my house. By six o'clock, they're all there and we're eating ordered pizza. Christmas Eve really isn't all that bad, because we pack the kids off to bed and drink a few eggnogs. It really is good to see everyone after a whole year. I'll be wearing one of the lighter funny Christmas t-shirts that has Santa drunkenly peeing "Merry Christmas" into the snow. My uncle will really enjoy that one.
On Christmas Day, I actually have plans to wear three different funny Christmas t-shirts all through the day as the situation calls for it. My family is going to get such a kick out of me changing shirts according to what we're doing! It's nothing to just run up stairs and put on a different shirt. I could even just wear all of the shirts at once, and peel them off at dramatic moments during the day to make a statement. The first shirt will be for early in the morning and will have a cat on it that says, "Dear Santa, I Want It All!" I know my mom is going to love that one.
The next shirt will be right around noon when all of the major cooking starts up. That's the point when the day gets the most hectic. The kids are busy playing with their toys, the wife and I are trying to feed a small army of people who's opinion really matters to us, and all of them keep wanting to poke their head in to "help". I appreciate their concern every year, but our kitchen is small and we have everything planned perfectly. Just get out! The funny Christmas t-shirts that come next are great. The second one will have a cat in a Santa hat dangling from a tree with a sign around his neck that says, "Hang in there!"
When everything calms down, the food is resting heavily in everyone's tummies, and the evening wine has been poured is when I actually start relaxing. My family is pretty great, to be honest. They can't help it that I'm crazy. It's during these full, quiet hours that I actually become grateful for their visit. I don't know what funny Christmas t-shirts I may be buying for my last shirt, but it will be one that tells my family how very special they are to me.
I can feel my spine crawling as noon approaches on Christmas Eve. Just like clockwork, that's when the first minivan pulls up full of kids who will whip snot on their own hands before touching every doorknob in my house. By six o'clock, they're all there and we're eating ordered pizza. Christmas Eve really isn't all that bad, because we pack the kids off to bed and drink a few eggnogs. It really is good to see everyone after a whole year. I'll be wearing one of the lighter funny Christmas t-shirts that has Santa drunkenly peeing "Merry Christmas" into the snow. My uncle will really enjoy that one.
On Christmas Day, I actually have plans to wear three different funny Christmas t-shirts all through the day as the situation calls for it. My family is going to get such a kick out of me changing shirts according to what we're doing! It's nothing to just run up stairs and put on a different shirt. I could even just wear all of the shirts at once, and peel them off at dramatic moments during the day to make a statement. The first shirt will be for early in the morning and will have a cat on it that says, "Dear Santa, I Want It All!" I know my mom is going to love that one.
The next shirt will be right around noon when all of the major cooking starts up. That's the point when the day gets the most hectic. The kids are busy playing with their toys, the wife and I are trying to feed a small army of people who's opinion really matters to us, and all of them keep wanting to poke their head in to "help". I appreciate their concern every year, but our kitchen is small and we have everything planned perfectly. Just get out! The funny Christmas t-shirts that come next are great. The second one will have a cat in a Santa hat dangling from a tree with a sign around his neck that says, "Hang in there!"
When everything calms down, the food is resting heavily in everyone's tummies, and the evening wine has been poured is when I actually start relaxing. My family is pretty great, to be honest. They can't help it that I'm crazy. It's during these full, quiet hours that I actually become grateful for their visit. I don't know what funny Christmas t-shirts I may be buying for my last shirt, but it will be one that tells my family how very special they are to me.
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