There is a terrible plague racing across this land, my friends. A plague born upon the leafy wings of mustard greens soars overhead, dropping bombs full of bean curd and cabbage. The enemy wants nothing more than to make you feel guilty for eating the flesh of the inferior. They want to question the wisdom of eating things that contain such wonderful things like fat and salt. You alone, wearing your bacon t-shirt, can stand to this menace.
One of the more painful tactics vegetarians use is guilt. No one likes to witness the slaughter of animals. That's why we pay someone else to do it. I don't want any part of the death of the animals I'm eating except for the actual act of eating them. Vegetarians are constantly shoving these images in our faces in an effort to make us feel so guilty that we won't eat them anymore. The animals will die whether we eat them or not, people! Ignore the guilt trip!
Let us also consider the long, terrible climb humans have made to ascend to the top of the food chain. Do you really think that there were Sabertooth Cat activists trying to rally their kin to quit eating people? Even if they could talk, I'm not sure that would have happened. People deserve their ascension to the top of the pyramid. The slow, stupid animals should have gotten their stuff together and learned some awesome defense mechanism if they wanted to not be eaten.
There are tons of ad campaigns out there that are using the hottest women you've ever seen as bait to stop eating meat. This is one of the worst things they do, in my humble opinion. They do their best to make portly gentlemen of the Midwest think that if they just stop digesting anything but plant matter, then these super-attractive women may let us see them naked in person. Trust me, these ladies would rather punch you in the groin than say three words to you.
I can't take all of this punishment any longer without acting on the behalf of all meat-eaters everywhere. My arsenal will consist of a bacon t-shirt and a bucket of pureed brussel sprouts that I will throw all over anyone who says anything negative about my bacon t-shirt, or my bacon sandwich, or my bacon smoothie. I am a human being, and I deserve my red meat.
One of the more painful tactics vegetarians use is guilt. No one likes to witness the slaughter of animals. That's why we pay someone else to do it. I don't want any part of the death of the animals I'm eating except for the actual act of eating them. Vegetarians are constantly shoving these images in our faces in an effort to make us feel so guilty that we won't eat them anymore. The animals will die whether we eat them or not, people! Ignore the guilt trip!
Let us also consider the long, terrible climb humans have made to ascend to the top of the food chain. Do you really think that there were Sabertooth Cat activists trying to rally their kin to quit eating people? Even if they could talk, I'm not sure that would have happened. People deserve their ascension to the top of the pyramid. The slow, stupid animals should have gotten their stuff together and learned some awesome defense mechanism if they wanted to not be eaten.
There are tons of ad campaigns out there that are using the hottest women you've ever seen as bait to stop eating meat. This is one of the worst things they do, in my humble opinion. They do their best to make portly gentlemen of the Midwest think that if they just stop digesting anything but plant matter, then these super-attractive women may let us see them naked in person. Trust me, these ladies would rather punch you in the groin than say three words to you.
I can't take all of this punishment any longer without acting on the behalf of all meat-eaters everywhere. My arsenal will consist of a bacon t-shirt and a bucket of pureed brussel sprouts that I will throw all over anyone who says anything negative about my bacon t-shirt, or my bacon sandwich, or my bacon smoothie. I am a human being, and I deserve my red meat.
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