There is an pandemic that strikes American youth once a year. Once every year, on a certain holiday that's supposed to be set aside for celebrating Irish culture, thousands upon thousands of young adults make huge mistakes that take months of their lives to repair. They are always fueled by too much green beer and whiskey, and they are always committed while wearing cool Irish t-shirts.
Saint Patrick's Day is dangerous because it seems so fun and innocuous. No body sees red flags shoot up in their brains unless they are the sad perpetrators of huge mistakes in previous years of partying. Instead of taking the necessary precautions to keep from ruining their lives, they instead throw on their cool Irish t-shirts and head out to the bars or parties.
Perhaps there is something more to this whole problem than meets the eye. Could it be something other than the wild party atmosphere that Saint Patrick's Day inspires? Could it be that the Irish themselves are behind this whole yearly disaster? This is only pure speculation, but what if the cool Irish t-shirts being sold are somehow making these normally responsible people commit these heinous, drunken acts?
That really has to be the answer, after all. Cool Irish t-shirts are solely responsible for ruining the lives of all of these nice, upstanding young people. If it weren't for these t-shirts corrupting the minds of the youth and hypnotizing them to do corrupt and evil deeds, we could all breath a little easier about all of the inappropriate text messages being sent out and all of the jail time that could be avoided.
Of course, if you're not worried about making all of those awful mistakes on Saint Patrick's Day then I guess you can go ahead and buy yourself some cool Irish t-shirts and leave your fate up to chance. If you think you can handle people buying you green beer and shot of Irish whiskey all night, then perhaps getting one of these evil shirts is what you want. All I can say, is you've been dutifully warned.
Saint Patrick's Day is dangerous because it seems so fun and innocuous. No body sees red flags shoot up in their brains unless they are the sad perpetrators of huge mistakes in previous years of partying. Instead of taking the necessary precautions to keep from ruining their lives, they instead throw on their cool Irish t-shirts and head out to the bars or parties.
Perhaps there is something more to this whole problem than meets the eye. Could it be something other than the wild party atmosphere that Saint Patrick's Day inspires? Could it be that the Irish themselves are behind this whole yearly disaster? This is only pure speculation, but what if the cool Irish t-shirts being sold are somehow making these normally responsible people commit these heinous, drunken acts?
That really has to be the answer, after all. Cool Irish t-shirts are solely responsible for ruining the lives of all of these nice, upstanding young people. If it weren't for these t-shirts corrupting the minds of the youth and hypnotizing them to do corrupt and evil deeds, we could all breath a little easier about all of the inappropriate text messages being sent out and all of the jail time that could be avoided.
Of course, if you're not worried about making all of those awful mistakes on Saint Patrick's Day then I guess you can go ahead and buy yourself some cool Irish t-shirts and leave your fate up to chance. If you think you can handle people buying you green beer and shot of Irish whiskey all night, then perhaps getting one of these evil shirts is what you want. All I can say, is you've been dutifully warned.
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