It's totally acceptable for you to get out on Saint Patrick's Day and celebrate in true American fashion. You can throw down the proverbial gauntlet and slam shots of whiskey until you're cross-eyed. I hope you remember to wear one of your Irish green tee shirts, though, or you are going to be in for quite an irritating evening. Every time I go out to the bar on St. Patrick's, I see a few folks scattered in the crowd wearing the same clothes they always wear. With no green on, everyone knows you're susceptible to pinch-attack.
I remember back when I was a young lad being terrorized by pinches one year on March 17th. You see, my family moved to America from Ireland when I was just seven years old. That's right, folks. I am an honest-to-God Ireland immigrant. Luckily, I came when I did and I didn't have to help build the railroads or anything crazy like that. I just had to go to school and listen to the kids make fun of my accent. I had no idea that Americans even celebrated Saint Patrick's Day with green Irish shirts, or anything else for that matter!
You know that America hijacked Saint Patrick's Day from Ireland and turned it into some weird, different holiday, right? When we celebrate Saint Patrick's Day, we do it by dressing up nice and going to church. Most Irish are Catholic, and Saint Patrick's is one of many Saint's Days we observe. We don't wear green Irish tshirts and we don't eat corned beef. We actually eat roasted chicken on Saint Patrick's Day most often than not, because it's cheap and cooks a whole lot faster for a lot of family.
I guess it must be a capital crime in America to come to school on St. Patrick's Day without wearing green. I had no clue that this was traditional in the U.S. at all. I just showed up with my usual cheerful expression on March 17th and found the whole classroom wearing silly Irish tshirts. I froze in my tracks, because I honestly thought the whole class was making fun of me. That's when a boy laughed and pinched me while yelling something about not wearing green. I cried and I left for the day, refusing to go back to class despite my mother patiently explaining everything to me.
That's why I'm asking you to be prepared, friends. From all of my past experiences, drunk people are a lot like kids in the 2nd grade. They cane be cruel and they like to team up on people. This means that if you get pinched once, you're going to get pinched lots of time by lots of people. It will probably ruin your night. There are lots of places on the Internet where you can buy cheap Irish tees, so get one now and save yourself some embarrassing tears.
I remember back when I was a young lad being terrorized by pinches one year on March 17th. You see, my family moved to America from Ireland when I was just seven years old. That's right, folks. I am an honest-to-God Ireland immigrant. Luckily, I came when I did and I didn't have to help build the railroads or anything crazy like that. I just had to go to school and listen to the kids make fun of my accent. I had no idea that Americans even celebrated Saint Patrick's Day with green Irish shirts, or anything else for that matter!
You know that America hijacked Saint Patrick's Day from Ireland and turned it into some weird, different holiday, right? When we celebrate Saint Patrick's Day, we do it by dressing up nice and going to church. Most Irish are Catholic, and Saint Patrick's is one of many Saint's Days we observe. We don't wear green Irish tshirts and we don't eat corned beef. We actually eat roasted chicken on Saint Patrick's Day most often than not, because it's cheap and cooks a whole lot faster for a lot of family.
I guess it must be a capital crime in America to come to school on St. Patrick's Day without wearing green. I had no clue that this was traditional in the U.S. at all. I just showed up with my usual cheerful expression on March 17th and found the whole classroom wearing silly Irish tshirts. I froze in my tracks, because I honestly thought the whole class was making fun of me. That's when a boy laughed and pinched me while yelling something about not wearing green. I cried and I left for the day, refusing to go back to class despite my mother patiently explaining everything to me.
That's why I'm asking you to be prepared, friends. From all of my past experiences, drunk people are a lot like kids in the 2nd grade. They cane be cruel and they like to team up on people. This means that if you get pinched once, you're going to get pinched lots of time by lots of people. It will probably ruin your night. There are lots of places on the Internet where you can buy cheap Irish tees, so get one now and save yourself some embarrassing tears.
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